The Gravel of Mind

every little thing I spit..

Category: poetry

24/7 Listener

“I’m finding myself really hard with selfishness too. But from what happened, I can really tell one thing leads to another with their own pace. If it really hard, deal with it later. Sometimes things can be much easier when you’re not putting too much effort in it. If there’s a problem, there’s a problem. We share the same feeling, we want to get over it. And it takes too much time. A 24/7 nonstop listener will help you stand in any impossible way”

– C.A.M


a grip

When comes the time to get physical
I would have to bring the universe tightly within a grip of my hand
a grip that I should not let go to keep me controlled
I should have drown my head into a bowl of water
to feel numbness
to outcast my being from the very life

For someone that won't buy any word from my mouth
you become the grip controller
you let go of me while I'm drunk
in liquid or love
you just hate the way I'm drunk

Tonight my heart craves for you
the grip has been apart
turn out hard is not hard enough
I could have failed trying

All I Wanted

Think of me when you’re out
When you’re out there
I’ll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way too fairly
Well it’s a shame I’m a dream

All I wanted was you

I think I’ll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
Wake up early, the black and white re-runs
That escape from my mouth,

All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
Just to relive the start
Maybe then we’d remember to slow down
At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

– Paramore

I Need to Spit

Imma trash

An old time kid who should be killed

They say time could wilt

I don’t care, I’m just givin life a wit

Of course there are needs

But I always enjoy time and don’t know when we outta meet

Sometimes I push things to the limit

Force all systems with my extra kit

But by all means I’m just doin the good deeds

Without noticin that my body needs to sit

My arms and feet

My eyes that tilt

I carry out all the hits

Without ever thinkin of the guilt

I throw the pitch

I keep on runnin, I pass by all pits

Grief can be my breakfast to eat

I never cheat

Cos silence has been my fire to lit

And happiness is too expensive to greet

I somehow think about those people I treat

That I’d dance gently, I forgot I got time to bid

Could I not be an old all time kid, who waits for life to wilt?

Well I need to spit

I don’t really  give a shit.

my head is spinning

says over your name

confession in return part I

@foodcourt Menara Jamsostek, lt.9

and i talked to my Dad,

I need to sort out my life from confusions.

he listened, he gave me enlightenment.

I need to rebuild my life.

I was feeling..

way way old..


I’m not that strong, you know

sometimes i had bad dreams and it’d affect my day

i hate that when it happened.

i will always be thankful,

i still got the chance to recognize him as my father

in my 20ish

on your way, Dad!

I’m still all alone,


I still have my silly Dad by my side.

They Say: Yes, Only Love Can Break Your Heart

When you were young
and on your own
How did it feel
to be alone?
I was always thinking
of games that I was playing.
Trying to make
the best of my time.

But only love
can break your heart
Try to be sure
right from the start
Yes only love
can break your heart
What if your world
should fall apart?

I have a friend
I’ve never seen
He hides his head
inside a dream
Someone should call him
and see if he can come out.
Try to lose
the down that he’s found.

But only love
can break your heart
Try to be sure
right from the start
Yes only love
can break your heart
What if your world
should fall apart?

I have a friend
I’ve never seen
He hides his head
inside a dream
Yes, only love
can break your heart
Yes, only love
can break your heart

Neil Young, Only Love Can Break Your Heart


I was just trying, to be my best

to be given in to a thing called love

to share my mind, body, and soul

to feel in the same way as what they feel about it

to create happiness, to expel sorrows

to laugh

to make every common and ordinary thing changed to exceptional things

day by day to build my future

to be motivated

to be caressed, be cuddled, be poked when i did something wrong

to cook

to accompany

to say what’s good and what’s not

to accept everything that was not good enough

to be looked in the eyes

to be stroked on the skin

tears to be wiped

laughter to be photographed

songs to be sang

hands to be  hold

movies to be criticized

lessons to be learned

But in time,

Only It Happened to Break My Heart.

A Lift

A Lift by Meutia Ananda

                            Love is when you lift ones you love

Kejujuranmu Memilukan Hati

Just a title and I’ll write later.


It’s insatiable.


I’m mostly addressed to disobedient kind of behavior.

It’s drinking thing.

It’s cutting my left arm and carving a name of SILENCE.

SILENCE it is.

I am sinking.

I got thrashes everywhere in my life that everybody cares to touch but me.

I don’t even give a damn.

What time do I have to wake up every morning?

Is it boyfriend who decides? Mothers? Or girlfriends up here in my place?

No one will decide.

Because I don’t hear anything before I close my eyes

I’m already blind.

I’m deaf as well.

God, I am departing back to the past.

The past the past, that has never been sensed as a past.

I loose my integrity when I’m thinking of it.

I can’t trust myself; I’m just going to throw everyone a mess.

My oh my,

Anybody in the world might have thought about sex, might not they?

It’s already sniffed that every couple doing at least kissing each other and put hands around another?

That’s good. That’s good.

Well I am sick of it, the fuck of it.

Where’s the marriage, which every religion has suggested, to get a higher point of life?

It’s autumn and I still miss that touch.

Sometimes I feel regretful to be born here and suck in this air.

But who the fuck could I blame on?

No one, because I am no coward.
But I am blind and deaf, as an accent to stay who I am myself.

The fuck.

And the marriage could loose the touch moreover.

And the couples would stay close at each other.


Possibly, I am poisoned.

Could be disillusioned.

In wakefulness.

I enjoy saying that I insist for pleasure.

No matter how boorish people will critic me,

Such a pity, mercy it is.

I am blind, and deaf aswell.