The Gravel of Mind

every little thing I spit..

Category: phenomenon

Trampoline Life

I am sick of people asking about “What do you do for a living?”

I get that a lot. I always answer them. That I do have a business to run and I don’t go to work from 9-5 and granted an insurance, bonus and always receive a salary by the end of the month.

Here are the things that I do for a living:

* I am 100% employed.

*My job requires me to be a photographer, a public relation, a caretaker, an assistance, a technical assistance, a supervisor, an employer, an employee, an editor, a videographer, a video editor, a blogger and so on. Basically how can one think that they job they currently have will level with these things I do? now, I don’t mean to underestimate people. But people underestimate my way very often. I mean, one is hired to be an editor in an office for example. The only thing she/he will do is being an editor! Same goes to other occupation. They focus to only one thing. But I started up my business, and I have to be able to run every job description available in order to make things run.

*I have salary, per month base. I set my own salary. I receive numbers of projects with decent benefit. And I take my part of rewards. The rest of the money goes to other business allocation and resource collaboration like editors, assistants, photographers, videographers, designers etc.

*My job requires me to work unpredicted time. It’s no 9-5 job. Here’s the thing, I shoot weddings mainly on the weekend. When regular employee is having day offs and being with the family. On weekdays, I have editing to do, a meeting, products supervising etc. And sometimes between that, I have day offs. I go to the park, malls, book store, meeting my people, brain storming with people, or just plainly sleeping to rest the bones. I’m restless too. You still dare to ask what do I do for a living? Sometimes in my wedding work, I have to standby from 5am in the morning till 11 in the evening. It’s 18 hours of work. And the work doesn’t stop there. It will ask for follow ups the next day, weeks, months, years.

*My job involves high risk. Risk of health, risk of reputation, risk of theft, risk of loosing data, risk of loosing capitals, risk of patents etc. It’s high demands, and everything that involves risk, I have faced it in my job. The regular people have themselves insured by their offices. They have sick days that they can take anytime and still receive salary while skipping work. I will not receive my salary if I’m skipping my work.  They have bonus by the end of the year. They are safe. And that’s not what I do. I have to make my bonus by working harder! finding more and especially RIGHT customer. Right customer is more important that it means my works speak to them, and their style speak to me. This connection is the work I’m currently building. It’s not open-ended type of trade. I am always open for my clients if they need me. In a very critical time, I have to sacrifice my own ‘me time’ in order to satisfy clients. I hope you understand that it’s a lot of work, what I do for a living.

*My job allows me to travel to places that I have never been before. To shoot weddings, or just planing trips out of my savings. It’s really enjoyable. Because I have flexible time to manage when to work, and when it’s not to work. Yes! Because I am the employer of myself. I work for my company. I don’t build it and leave it alone just like that. The benefit is, I can choose my own ‘me time’. I have more flexibility than people who has daily jobs.

*My job has connected me to numbers of people that is beneficial for networking, or just simply a motivated being. I love the people I meet and I want to make more friends as I get older. I don’t want to get stuck in one circle and stop making friends. Because I believe, the older we get, the harder we can make friends. The olders will only focus on piling money, building career, buying expensive cars and houses, yet less friends. My job will grant me unlimited chance to meet new people. Maybe not everyday, but at least every month.

So I think these are my answers to the question of “What Do You Do for A Living?”. I have my chance to explain, so I explain. And also, I agree with this article my friend shared me

What do you do for a living is different with how I make my money. It’s about what I do in my time! Those answers are clear enough.

About what I do in my time, I have goals, what I want to do in my life. Yes I’d save for a house with a studio. But other than making money with business, I want to travel, and I want a warm life with warm food, and warm good people in it. The rest is not my focused. So we make money differently, so what?

I hope people with entrepreneurial vision will wake up and build their dream. And I hope other people would open their mind, it’s not ‘those years’ anymore. Work smart and work hard! Not just work, but work with heart. And leave the job for awhile and reunite with yourself. Who wants to spend the rest of the days looking bored and unmotivated because you don’t have vision about yourself? Create something you’ll be proud of in your life (;





Parenting: Your Call, Your Cost

Hi again, hello, selamat siang,

Today, my mind was caught on the idea of parenting. It bugs me and I thought all parents should know this. My idea was inspired by a real occasion.

The speak of truth

Do any of my readers is raising a child? If you have not been one, maybe you can make my post as an input for you. Parenting matters a lot. In this point of view, I become the child. Yesterday I saw so many movies about psychopaths who killed others to satisfied his peculiar needs. I watched Ted Bundy, Saw, Human Centipede, Modus Anomali, The girl with a dragon tattoo and many other. The resemblance of all these movies is their anomalous behavior was driven by false parenting and bitter childhood memory. I really love to make an essay about it because I take it very seriously. I also know some people are rather being in denial or ignore such things caused by family. As parents, will you let your child grow or just doing things as you want? Some parents ignore the needs of their child, and heck no it’s not material needs requirements. It’s the needs of affection, wisdom, good shared value, reasons, attention, kindness and so on. Many parents ignore these needs, they work too hard, they thought they have fulfilled every needs of a child while they are doing it all wrong. Raising a kid will not stop until they got married or graduate from a university. Or will you be the parents who nurture, and what I meant by ‘nurturing’ is not answering ‘yes, you can’ or ‘no, you cannot’ towards the child activity. A child is a mix of the dad’s and mom’s values. Believe it or not, what you see in a child is your character mixed with your husband’s/wife’s quality. You can’t say ‘yes or no’ to your own being when you feel not okay right? If so, you are in denial. And one cannot learn anything and gain wisdom in denial. The speak of truth.

If you have a child, you deal with a mixture that needs to be loved. A child is here to give you alarm that your good and bad qualities is now facing you back. You just cannot hate them for being you right? If you allow this to happen, you can hate yourself now. In marriage, in family, in raising a kid, you only need love, affection, attention, and good values. Some parents wanna be the boss. They can’t even lead themselves. They can’t even let themselves grow better. When a child does something wrong, he/she will be very disappointed and start blaming and building a wall for the kid. It’s not your child to blame, it’s YOU! false parents in denial. I hope you realize it before it’s too late. And I will let you know how could it be if you keep in denial.

I see the sky is clear

When you raise a child the way like they work for you, you will be very disappointed. They are not born in this world to work for you, to satisfy you, to keep your status and so on. They are here to share love and wisdom to other people in this world. To give shelter to people who need it. To learn, and I mean by learning, it’s a never ending experience. You will keep on learning until you die. Face it wisely. Parents’ status will not do anything about it. Put it aside, or you’ve been living like a dead troll. Status or any honor you gain in this world is not your child to look for. Again, if so, you are in denial about what truly is fundamental in life. And of course, it’s not a status. Until a child grow, 5-10-15-20 years old, they need your wisest being about life in this world. As your kid ages, your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer will felt like a wasteful solution. It’s not ‘yes’ or ‘no’ they need to hear. They need the ‘WHY CAN THEY and WHY CAN’T THEY?’. Give them the WISEST reason and I mean ALWAYS. You can be their best coaches in the world or suckers in facing reality of life. You need to know that you are wrong when you let them live to lift up to your definition and expectation of life. You are so ungodly that way. And you thought your ‘Hajj’ or ‘devout religiously’ or ‘CEO’ status will justify that you are always right when you’re raising them. Well if so, you’re so in denial. I hope you can learn.

A child does not only consist of you and your husband’s/wife’s value. God has giveth her another excellent quality that you and your husbands don’t have. God is so smart and wise this way, it’s up to you to remain dumb or ignorant about his veracity. Will you shape this new quality or will you crush it instead by raising them like you’re the boss and the righteous? If you crush your children’s pure values and quality, and what I mean by this is what actually important to your child. Will you ignore their importance and replace it with what you deem as important? Oh then you’ll be a hella worst of a parents. Congrats! You’ve been staring at the wrong sky.

You ignore this, it’s your cost

Now, you have known partial reasons about raising a child in valuable way. You now have reasons to be a good mother and father or being a judge and a boss instead in your house. Your call, your cost. You might see your child as a successful individual with good grades and good skill. It is a celebration for parents who have taught their kids with loving values instead being a curator, hypocritical and a boss. While the hypocritical parents will see it as satisfaction. but NOT YOUR KID’S SATISFACTION. because you have let them lived up to your way, up to your manner about what’s good, what’s right for you and all. You are a puppeteer. It’s suppose to be THEIR life and NOT YOURS. You know what any other cost you would have if you keep being ignorant about this? They can be monsters. You create them. They can turn their back on you later on when they grow up and strong enough to do it. And don’t worry, they will do it. Because they have suffered inside for a long time by living in your definition of success, definition of goodness, while you’re reflecting a wrong value about that. The similarity of psychopaths stories was driven by bad childhood experience. They were taught unlovingly or unsatisfied with life because their parents are ignorant, in denial, that the child needs more than just a shelter but love. The needs varies. Some kid need more affection than anything. Some need your wisdom and not judgement. Some need your attention and not your ‘yes or no’. Some need love than to be treated full of hate. If you don’t see this as important, maybe it’s not the kid who needs to grow. It’s you. Will you create great experience and memories with your child so they will fall into your arms over time they feel ignored by life? or will you be the one that they turn their back on because you give them false experience? It’s psychological. To be a parent, you need to know about human psychology, about kid’s psychology, about love, about caress and all. Great parents admit that they are wrong instead of forcing their ‘current’ value on their children.

"Psychopath Childhood"(go Google who Ted Bundy is, and you’ll be surprised)

What Steve Jobs Said

Steve Jobs, from his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

Read more:

To aim

” I just figured out that I sometimes feel bored with the idea to be happy all the time. I used to aim to be happy all the time. Peace means happy, but it’s so hard and almost impossible. And I realize that to be at peace means that I have to embrace happy and sad. I feel like I shouldn’t feel bad to be sad. Cause I would like to feel sad every now and then..”

– @pascaarafah


Human as I See Them

Human come to this world, born and educated. We breathe, we eat, having feelings, we learn. Human have needs. Human claim to fulfill their needs; It’s the needs of love, appreciation, recognition, attention, elaborating undiscovered skills they have and so on.

We overcome the blues that sadden us, we overcome obstacles upon our steps. Human are superior. We create our own worlds and be the king of it. Sometimes when we get bored with our worlds, we choose to sneak out for awhile and trespass into others’. Human are funny and brilliant.

But yet, human are so insecure inside. They make this set of frames so they can at least hold on to it. Those frames projected as beliefs; not only religion, but also other dimension that we’ve created to know where ourselves supposedly be putted. We create worlds in order to feel secure. Am I right?

Maybe some of you are against my point of view. I don’t care.

In order to feel secure, we seek oh-so-sacred dimension. We bow, then we’ll nod our heads. Human are silly.

Human are insecure they start to construct cruel vision of reality. But in my point of view, they just can’t overcome problems. They are drowned and they are panic. They are sunk on their own built worlds. Human need to help themselves, otherwise, who would do it? Well I do want to help. I will enlighten my friends’ burden if I got the chance. But, human are so fragile. They oppose beliefs that not suit with their own faith. They oppose freedom. They are scared if they’re free, there will be some huge sanction will come upon their heads. Human live under penalty. Some human are just able see others’ burdens, and I’m one of them.

So my friend,

You should think before you act. You should stand and feel assured by yourselves. You don’t need to be assured by so-called formality if you’re not feeling so. You should be confident because you got the ability to solve problems. You got that in your head. And you are smart enough not to be fooled by others’ assumption about you. Because my friend, they feel insecure too.



Human work to get what they want


As human-being, I have so many flaws. I have huge amount of laziness running inside my body. I like to chill a lot when I had time. I don’t wanna move my legs out of a couch or a bed. I could share a time with only mp3s , books and unidentified minds every time I want to. I know this isn’t my very moment to pronounce I’m a hi-grade being. Oddly, in a holiday, I have these very urges to change my flaws into goodness and at the end produce something. This writing is one realization.

I’d like to issue a deeply measured thought now. About something that’s going on in life. About everyday things I’ve been seeing and bugging by. I have these secret eyes in identifying social rhymes and acts thingy. I believe I’m not a professor in that, or a psychiatrist. But I think I can see the universe differently. At least from the eyes of my surroundings attached in me. I tend to see that my eyes and heart cannot be told by norms or traditions like what to choose, what to hear, when to think, how to act etc. I’ve been hearing people talking about some issues and respond it way too bluntly. By this I mean, they never consider what each actors (of some issues) have been dealing with or feeling about the day before things happened. They just right away bluntly JUDGE their morality.

People do judge, but being very judgmental to each other.

They measure other’s capabilities and lacks. They grade people with terms Good or Bad. Good will always stay and be good, and so does bad. I declare contrary here.  Then again, I am too lazy to explain in writing. But look, I’m t.r.y.i.n.g here. I believe in relativity. I believe something happens for a reason, for a complicated one or just blunt action (but then again, those blunt actions were happened for a matter).

Someone ‘being’ bad is often compared to someone good on television or in our real life. A neighbor finding herself got entered to famous university and our brother didn’t, then goes the comparison. Again, I’m not giving you a story. I’m pouring my concern in a lazy lazy way. Other instance, you yelled on your mother, then you’re labeled as a bloody child. I mean, there’s something going on here, at the UNIVERSE we’re living in. Don’t people measure anymore, and analyze a bit in domestic things? At our houses, at our offices, at our campuses? How and why that ‘bad-beings’ tend to act like BAD robbers, who just robbed someone’s days. There must be a reason to it. To EVERYTHING.

I just got my first nephew, her name is Jeivalma. She’s so damn cute. And even she’s not my own, is my sister’s ‘belonging’, I wanna caress her my way. How world works. That we have our own places and time to think and be smart. I know she’s too little to digest her aunty’s blunt minds which are superior (lol). But for now, I will only help my sister caring for her and let her&husband do the rest. I’ll use my mind for my own benefits. I do gain advantages with this mind.

So my advice, see the world’s diversities! Sell yourself to knowledge spread across it. Learn and apply ‘em to your own life. Don’t get confused too many times and whining about why and how something happened, don’t get mad too long on something. I wanna say, girls and boys they’re not completely different. Maybe boys have little less amount of intuition but they’ll manage everything. Maybe girls have too many concerns on feelings but without these touches world won’t rotate smoothly. (These are minimum advices from me on ‘girls are from Venus & boys are from Mars’ thingy which already makes teenagers or even 20ish confused on understanding opposite sexes)

Well then again, I’d like to bold this one, FEEL THE DIFFERENCES. It’s something big and hard to do, but you’ll be a very rich person. And LESS JUDGING If you see me as a complete messed-up, I don’t care. This is the way I’ve been using for my life. I’m glad and even more thankful because of it.


women (above) and men (below) wear contrast Sarees and “hats” in Jaipur, India.

(below saying) “Do you see the different in cultures??!”

Today I shut my mouth and choked my breath, cut the air from the nose line, for 20 seconds.

I feel my lungs pump uneasily, my blood running fast to my head,

is that the way when you’re about to die? heart beats fast, memories twisted in a sudden..

your eyes popped, your body coldly embraced.

and then I open my mouth.. my body’s shaking like you’ve been tasered.

A good faith always lead you good.

I probably am nuts. I recently think what will I achieve in several years ahead? It’s like I put too hard weight on my shoulder about it. Who am I going to be, what am I gonna achieve, what kind of  things will come over, and so on. And I just found out, that a person my age has been destined to feel that way. But as times goes by, we’ll find ourselves in the edge of path direction that will put us on those career (if we talk about one).

And later, as ourselves are mature enough, possess everything it needs, put in some condition and situation with fitted capitals such as networking, confidence, and of course ability in our own fields, we will eventually be ‘that’ person we have been pondering of in our time. I believe in it, I believe everything has been created since I was born. But sorry, I don’t believe in some kind of destinies. My view is, if we got a deep faith on what we want, what we need, we will achieve that. It will be pursued by our ambition, by our faith, by our ability.

Destiny’s weak.

That is what I often say. In pursuing our own happiness, it doesn’t have to be destined. Maybe, our old folks give in our mind a bowl of examples what is it, a happiness? Some fit in, some may not. And I will not give a shit on what you’re choosing. I love when people happy because they have pursued their own happiness. By trying hard, by good efforts, by effective management, by being loved and to love, by singing, by dancing, anything.

I am not destined to be a piano player if I do not like it. But when I found myself attracted by its genuine tunes, I went to learn about it. My folks said I should learn about classical piano, I said No!, I went to learn by my self pop, jazzy, lounge tunes and I’m happy. That what makes me wanna learn a lot and become a piano player. Because I’m happy playing it.

Well, It’s almost new year 2010.

Cruel cruel tragedies had happened in 2009, sweet ones as well. Ups and downs came over and I accepted with a big heart. Even now I got hepatitis A. The point is, Those things lead me somewhere. And so will in 2010. Some cases will happen. I’m not waiting, I love every minute every second God’s given to me.

Now, some prayer for next year,

I demand

gears and accessories for my Camera! 🙂


Tentang Politik Kita

Berbicara tentang politik pemerintahan di Indonesia, kita kerap kali menemukan berbagai ungkapan-ungkapan bullshit yang dituturkan oleh segenap kelompok maupun oknum di hadapan media TV atau Koran. Setiap kelompok mencari kebenaran bagi kelompoknya masing-masing.

Apakah budaya dan etika sudah tidak ada lagi di meja politik orang Indonesia? Terkadang, ketika pemerintah yang berwenang sedang berpidato atau memusyawarahkan sesuatu dihadapan Televisi kepada rakyatnya, datanglah oknum lain yang meyuarakan ketidaksetujuan. Banyak sekali debat, banyak sekali permintaan yang ditanyakan oleh aktor-aktor politik Indonesia tanpa memberikan ‘secuil’ pun berkah untuk rakyat.

Apakah di era ketika saat berumur 40tahun nanti saya akan mengikuti ‘bajingan-bajingan’ tengik itu? Apakah hal itu dikarenakan oleh tidak pandainya aktor politik Indonesia zaman sekarang dibidangnya? Kenapa yang kebanyakan menuntut kebanyakan pemerintah? Bukan rakyat?

Setidaknya pada saat PEMILU 2009 lalu setiap capres dan cawapres melontarkan berbagai janji-janji dan betapa concern-nya mereka dengan nasib Pak Tani/Bu Tani, Pak Guru/Bu Guru. Ketika PEMILU telah dilaksanakan, kelompok yang tak terpilih lalu mengajukan usul **perhitungan suara ulang**. Setidaknya saya tau dari yang sudah saya lihat akan gejala bertingkah layaknya anak-anak di masa tua. Saya pikir, politikus kita bergejala sama.

Semakin tua semakin tidak jelas tujuannya. Hanya harta, hanya tahta, hanya wanita.

Gak Jelas Mo Kemana..

Apakah tidak sebaiknya “Anda-anda” yang duduk di bangku pemerintahan mengadu ilmu dulu dengan expertise-expertise politik di Negara lain yang sudah memegang ideologi demokrasi sejak lama?

Media Televisi Indonesia-pun terkadang berjalan ‘serampangan’. Mereka hendak memberitakan segala kalimat yang terlontar dari mulut setiap politikus yang ‘cuap-cuap’ beradu ‘moncong’. POLITIKUS APA SELEBRITI???

Media Televisi sudah tidak dapat menyimpulkan lagi apa yang terjadi di Negara dan apa yang sebaiknya Negara lakukan demi kebaikan bersama. Malah bekerja untuk menaikan Rating acara demi mendapatkan banyak pemirsa dengan cara mempertemukan kubu-kubu yang bertolak belakang. Tugas-tugas aktor politik dan media sudah tidak jelas. Mau jadi apa bangsa kita dalam 5 tahun kedepan? Saya tak sanggup lagi melihat Pemilu 2014 mendatang.

Untung saya Golput kemarin. Saya tau saya tidak puas dengan ketiga capres. Sehingga pesta euphoria kebangsaan tidak saya hadiri kemarin. Saya kira, politik bukan cara yang tepat untuk mencapai kesatuan bangsa dan demokrasi “belum menjadi” media yang PALING tepat. Kita harus memiliki presiden yang berjiwa sederhana dan berwibawa, tau apa tujuannya menduduki kursi pemerintahan. Jarang sekali saya menemukan hal itu.


Dunia fotografi pada era sekarang ini telah demikian canggih. Fotografi digital kerap kali menjadi pilihan para pemula. Tidak dapat disalahkan, penjualan kamera-kamera analog di tanah air sudah sangat menipis. Jika kita telusuri, hanya kamera analog “tangan ke-2” yang dapat kita jumpai di toko-toko kamera. Harganya pun sudah menjadi jauh lebih murah, karena sedikitnya peminat dan mahalnya menggunakan roll film sebagai media.

Namun tidak dapat dipungkiri, hasil foto yang menggunakan media roll film lebih menyerupai aslinya. Jarang terdapat distorsi-distorsi yang dapat kita jumpai di lensa-lensa kamera digital. Lagi pula, hasil foto dari media film dapat diperbesar ratusan kali dan tidak pecah, dan sayangnya kamera digital yang hanya mempunyai kuota terbatas. Meskipun begitu, ironisnya angka permintaan penjualan kamera digitalpun sudah meledak sejak 6 tahun yang lalu.

Sekali lagi hal itu tergantung pada peminat yang lebih mengutamakan suatu esensi dari fotografi maupun seni olah digital yang lebih mudah digunakan untuk mempercantik sebuah gambar. Para pembeli dan peminat dunia fotografi digital tidak sayang untuk mengeluarkan kocek yang tidak kecil jumlahnya hanya untuk membeli sebuah piranti digital yang mendukung seni fotografinya.

Contoh hasil kamera analog dan digital:

(Foto kiri: Colleen Hatch,  Kanan: koleksi pribadi)

Sekarang hal itu ditangan Anda, apakah anda seorang tipe fotografer yang mengutamakan esensi fotografi murni dengan mempercayai insting dan keahlian sendiri, atau seorang tipe fotografer yang menggunakan keterampilan olahan menggunakan teknik komputerisasi dalam mempercantik sebuah gambar?

©Meutia Ananda