The Gravel of Mind

every little thing I spit..


What’s one of your earliest memories?

bermata tajam, bermata biru, keriting, pipinya bolong. hahaha



What was the last thing that made you laugh?

haha my foot and the way I live


What is the funniest name you’ve ever heard?

"subuh" i just hate bangun subuh-subuh


If you could live in any house you wanted to, what would it look like?

hm, it would be very clean in the primary section. TV room, piano room. wood element is important but i dont want it to dominate the sphere. i want tidyness to dominate. and i want cozy lighting with comforting couches. and definitely wide space for kitchen cos id like to experience everything there. photography, cooking, sleeping, sneaking out fredgee food, or having sex.

and then i want one big wonderful paintings in the primary section. medium one for my bedroom. id like to have a yard too. to make photosession area of course. my own mixing studio, photo studio, or workshop? and one working room to contemplate anything. i like simplicity. contrast color would be only in one room, creativity room. white paint suits the rest of the room. id like to have wooden stairs, not marble!

i would want someone special to share it with. and id love some dogs too, husky fits the house. id like to have tiny bars too, not storing heavy drinks. but i like to mix things up make some cocktails with fruits.

i want a pool too. to murder somebody.. HAHAHAHA

i want a house that makes natural lighting and good air circulation! so i wont need to plug anything on daylight. suits my photo needs too. id love to have sexy bathroom with big glasses. HA! im so impulsive. ah what the hell, its gonna be my house anyway.

I get inspired by this vision:

ASK ME BLUNTLY! and I’ll Whisper.

If God offer you to be transfered to a Man, would you accept it?

oh. is that how the real thing work? I bet you need an answer not a question. my answer is:


To put myself in other gender will not put the world in an harmonious season. The season will be just as chaotic as when I am in this gender. Dude, I don’t fancy myself to be somebody else. I’m quite grateful to be who I am now. and if in the first place God wanted to retransform me in my mother’s tummy, I would end up asking God, “Would you just kindly abort me from living, for to be in the world among dangerous and greedy creatures will not do any good to me?” that I will be asking.

Dude, man and women, we got minuses too right? We got plusses. From my experience, women are stronger than man mentally and emotionally. Where men are easily distracted and start to act up when a problem comes. I know that dudes can play it cool, can play it smooth, can play it -as what they think they have the problem safe in their cold mind-, truly, whatever man.. Most men cannot overcome a broken heart without BITCHING his exes in front of his friends. or they keep on chasing the girl because they don’t seem wanna loose the stake.

while girls know where to put their feet, their mind, their heart, their attention.. even when a broken heart come, and they will cry so hard and loud, they know how to get their life back. unlike men, who loose central focuses in their life.

what I’m saying is, If God made me an offer, I’ll see God as ridiculous as men are. because God never changes his mighty decision. unlike you maybe.

But truly, in some point, men have this pure heart and sincerity that they will go and embrace when he got enormous passion over something. I like men for this way. While girls will come up asking themselves over and over and needed to be assured by others, their decisions come from negotiation. It’s the part of being girls.
And as I said, I’m in a phase of life mockery right now. I feel disgusted by corrupted people. Not only in the case of money or economic, but also in their mind and beliefs. I admit I got issue; I want peace, but I don’t believe there is peace. I want to.. but it’s pretty much messy in the world. God, do something about it please!

ASK ME BLUNTLY! and I’ll Whisper.

Do you believe in God?

hmm let me think..

I believe in God.. but it isn’t quiet fundamental and substantial in my life any more. If I could say the name, yes I believe in Allah SWT.

I believe that he is kind, and he is not strict and brutal like humankind. he is strong, he is open-minded, he understands humankind. he sees conflict within us in a very appropriate and mature way.

see, God is very different from us, Human. sometimes we are being so greedy, so immature, so unbalanced, so brutal.. we judge others by prejudices and without prompting to put ourselves in their position. sometimes we hurt people, we kill them, we spit on them, unlike us. God is very generous.

and I don’t believe in religion. I believe in holy Qur’an as when it talks about history of humankind and the generosity of prophets. but I don’t really buy its disallowances. I can’t stand reading a book that is so much cynical.. whatever book that is. bibles, self-help books, lalalala.. i just don’t play with that stuff. cos I always appreciate life as it is.

you know, i would make my short life as something that i’m really comfort being in. why should I do that? because, i don’t wanna feel misarable. i don’t believe that God puts us here to be miserable. instead, i believe we are here for a purpose, it’s to beautify the universe. and I’m hoping for a fucking peace among us. (seems i have trouble making peace with narrow-minded people with their narrow-minded ideas)

If I miss God, I pray. I still believe in his cosmic power, i do.

ASK ME BLUNTLY! and I’ll Whisper.

What would your dream job look like?

my dream job is when I don’t have to face fukin traffic jams and be there 9-5 under air conditioner. and when I take along my laptop with me. COS, office computer sucks, and if I work there, I would reduce my so-called ‘creativity’ time, and it would suck up my joy of life.

and also, my dream job would be something that I really proud of. I won’t be proud that I get the senior or high position in an office, simply because, that office isn’t mine. it’s not my own business! so, I cannot work hard for someone out there who takes dimes out of my sweat.

my dream job would be very simple,
it’d be when creativity and money collide.

ASK ME BLUNTLY! and I'll Whisper.

do you want to make love without condom with stranger?

condom’s important people. im-por-tant!
so, if I gotta chance, I would definitely make him wear one.
make the sex mutual. not absurd one.
so, do you have better question? are you trying to wear a condom? but i bet you are a girl. you cant place a condom on you. you got no dick. but you can if you wanna use sextoys.. whatever.. I just want to you realise and best-thinkin that Condom is important.
dont make another unwanted baby in the world. if u got accidentally pregnant and decided to abort it, well THEN DON’T HAVE SEX you mothafucka.

ASK ME BLUNTLY! and I'll Whisper.

if you could choose, who would you rather kiss : stallone, rourke, or mastur?

since I know whos asking this,.. and since I dont know who the fuck those guys are.. I would rather kiss you

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Do you believe in luck?

Well, do you? I don’t believe in luck. I cannot put myself in a very high expectation that I would get what I really want, without really reaching for it to come true. So yeah, we often see quizzes thrown on TV, magazines or radio stations. I’ve never bought such thing. But my mom always gets excited when it comes up. Haha

I can get anything best, because I’m going for it. So yeah, mere of luck won’t get me anywhere. I don’t know why people still believe on fates or destinies. Those things are confusing, yet so simple. This is my 21 year of living, I don’t think that what I’ve met and got come from luck. I get what I get because I experienced it first, making a first step to get it. Luck and fates make humankind lazy. They are too lazy to challenge themselves, therefore they only hope and high expect on luck. Then, when luck disappoints them, they go brutally mad or sad.

Sad isn’t it..

ASK ME BLUNTLY! and I'll Whisper.