R.E.C.A.P

by M. A

Hello uninvited fellows,

Thank you for being not real. I love you guys for that. Usually when I come writing here, I don’t want somebody else to know in purpose. I want society to guess what is it like, how odd it feels like to be me, a person who thinks too much and talk a lot. I always come with an argument. On my daily life, I know I’m trying to give my best such as what can I do to help the world. Sounds exaggerating but I don’t know any sweeter word to say. I contribute to world within its 24 hours rotation.

There is not much ‘you’ here. Only I. Because sometimes I feel so tired and so consumed by my own thoughts of uncertainty, possessiveness over world, people, things etc. I don’t know why I wanted to be an artist. I don’t choose to be (or maybe I did), but I feel really lonesome being one. But less lonesome than doing anything else beside what I do. Bear with me world, I’ll be using some words you don’t expect to understand. I’m being myself now, you are not my muse this time.

Today I did a lot of stuff, this month I did a lot of stuff. This year I did a lot of stuff. 2012 has given me some challenges and opportunities I’ve been waiting to get before. Near its end, i wanted to thank you for providing them to me. For the love, for the lust, for the companion, for the anxiety, for the muses, for the drinks, for the food, for the nights, for the distances, for the hallucination, for the euphorias, for everything.

You know weirdo world, I make friends this year. You rational, normal people might laugh at me. Some of the freaks might understand and could step in my shoes. Yes, I interact, I make more contacts this year. And this is awesome, world. They are not only the contact I put numbers on my phone wether or not I might meet them. They talk to me, they give me signs that I should do the opportunity if I want to be a better person. They are the best kind of people. Sometimes normal, rational people hate them, envy them, talk behind them, but I love them for have been reaching the extra miles. I love seeing people’s motion. It means they don’t stop. I can’t imagine seeing the same thing everyday, seeing people settling down doing monotone routines. Maybe I can, but I hate myself when I’m seeing it. I don’t feel alive, and I need to feel alive.

I have an aunt that I dear so much, she is so polite and her voice is as soothing as the wind blows (trust me, I can exaggerate anything on my own blog, you don’t wanna fight me on this) She is like an angel. She cooks, she has been experiencing uneasy situation her whole life, yet her heart is as white as snow. That’s what I see. Sometimes imperfect people is what you need to make you feel perfect. While the ‘try-to-be’ perfect ones would only make you feel like shit. I love my aunt, she went back to her house today and I’m so sad. I’m also in my period and maybe that’s why I’m crying.

But I just want world to know that I thank you. That I will try to keep you safe. That I will keep myself safe from things I don’t need to hear or see in my life. And I also wish that my weirdo fellows would always be happy, and I try to be there when they are not. I stop taking, and I’m ready to start giving.

I hate goodbyes but I might see you and posting here again next time (when I’m in uneasy situation, I always come back to you, I got you). Merry Christmas and I need another good year.

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