Parenting: Your Call, Your Cost
by M. A
Hi again, hello, selamat siang,
Today, my mind was caught on the idea of parenting. It bugs me and I thought all parents should know this. My idea was inspired by a real occasion.
The speak of truth
Do any of my readers is raising a child? If you have not been one, maybe you can make my post as an input for you. Parenting matters a lot. In this point of view, I become the child. Yesterday I saw so many movies about psychopaths who killed others to satisfied his peculiar needs. I watched Ted Bundy, Saw, Human Centipede, Modus Anomali, The girl with a dragon tattoo and many other. The resemblance of all these movies is their anomalous behavior was driven by false parenting and bitter childhood memory. I really love to make an essay about it because I take it very seriously. I also know some people are rather being in denial or ignore such things caused by family. As parents, will you let your child grow or just doing things as you want? Some parents ignore the needs of their child, and heck no it’s not material needs requirements. It’s the needs of affection, wisdom, good shared value, reasons, attention, kindness and so on. Many parents ignore these needs, they work too hard, they thought they have fulfilled every needs of a child while they are doing it all wrong. Raising a kid will not stop until they got married or graduate from a university. Or will you be the parents who nurture, and what I meant by ‘nurturing’ is not answering ‘yes, you can’ or ‘no, you cannot’ towards the child activity. A child is a mix of the dad’s and mom’s values. Believe it or not, what you see in a child is your character mixed with your husband’s/wife’s quality. You can’t say ‘yes or no’ to your own being when you feel not okay right? If so, you are in denial. And one cannot learn anything and gain wisdom in denial. The speak of truth.
If you have a child, you deal with a mixture that needs to be loved. A child is here to give you alarm that your good and bad qualities is now facing you back. You just cannot hate them for being you right? If you allow this to happen, you can hate yourself now. In marriage, in family, in raising a kid, you only need love, affection, attention, and good values. Some parents wanna be the boss. They can’t even lead themselves. They can’t even let themselves grow better. When a child does something wrong, he/she will be very disappointed and start blaming and building a wall for the kid. It’s not your child to blame, it’s YOU! false parents in denial. I hope you realize it before it’s too late. And I will let you know how could it be if you keep in denial.
I see the sky is clear
When you raise a child the way like they work for you, you will be very disappointed. They are not born in this world to work for you, to satisfy you, to keep your status and so on. They are here to share love and wisdom to other people in this world. To give shelter to people who need it. To learn, and I mean by learning, it’s a never ending experience. You will keep on learning until you die. Face it wisely. Parents’ status will not do anything about it. Put it aside, or you’ve been living like a dead troll. Status or any honor you gain in this world is not your child to look for. Again, if so, you are in denial about what truly is fundamental in life. And of course, it’s not a status. Until a child grow, 5-10-15-20 years old, they need your wisest being about life in this world. As your kid ages, your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer will felt like a wasteful solution. It’s not ‘yes’ or ‘no’ they need to hear. They need the ‘WHY CAN THEY and WHY CAN’T THEY?’. Give them the WISEST reason and I mean ALWAYS. You can be their best coaches in the world or suckers in facing reality of life. You need to know that you are wrong when you let them live to lift up to your definition and expectation of life. You are so ungodly that way. And you thought your ‘Hajj’ or ‘devout religiously’ or ‘CEO’ status will justify that you are always right when you’re raising them. Well if so, you’re so in denial. I hope you can learn.
A child does not only consist of you and your husband’s/wife’s value. God has giveth her another excellent quality that you and your husbands don’t have. God is so smart and wise this way, it’s up to you to remain dumb or ignorant about his veracity. Will you shape this new quality or will you crush it instead by raising them like you’re the boss and the righteous? If you crush your children’s pure values and quality, and what I mean by this is what actually important to your child. Will you ignore their importance and replace it with what you deem as important? Oh then you’ll be a hella worst of a parents. Congrats! You’ve been staring at the wrong sky.
You ignore this, it’s your cost
Now, you have known partial reasons about raising a child in valuable way. You now have reasons to be a good mother and father or being a judge and a boss instead in your house. Your call, your cost. You might see your child as a successful individual with good grades and good skill. It is a celebration for parents who have taught their kids with loving values instead being a curator, hypocritical and a boss. While the hypocritical parents will see it as satisfaction. but NOT YOUR KID’S SATISFACTION. because you have let them lived up to your way, up to your manner about what’s good, what’s right for you and all. You are a puppeteer. It’s suppose to be THEIR life and NOT YOURS. You know what any other cost you would have if you keep being ignorant about this? They can be monsters. You create them. They can turn their back on you later on when they grow up and strong enough to do it. And don’t worry, they will do it. Because they have suffered inside for a long time by living in your definition of success, definition of goodness, while you’re reflecting a wrong value about that. The similarity of psychopaths stories was driven by bad childhood experience. They were taught unlovingly or unsatisfied with life because their parents are ignorant, in denial, that the child needs more than just a shelter but love. The needs varies. Some kid need more affection than anything. Some need your wisdom and not judgement. Some need your attention and not your ‘yes or no’. Some need love than to be treated full of hate. If you don’t see this as important, maybe it’s not the kid who needs to grow. It’s you. Will you create great experience and memories with your child so they will fall into your arms over time they feel ignored by life? or will you be the one that they turn their back on because you give them false experience? It’s psychological. To be a parent, you need to know about human psychology, about kid’s psychology, about love, about caress and all. Great parents admit that they are wrong instead of forcing their ‘current’ value on their children.