Meet me when you are sober, Old Mates.

by M. A

Hi again,

Don’t be afraid with the title. I just got things in my head that kinda need to be revealed. Well it’s the ‘friending’ thing. I was at the coffee shop last night, a very deep chat with my special friend. I talked to her, “Hey, I don’t like to gather up with our old friends in some malls or cafes. It’s not that I hate her or something. But I find it uniteresting because the case is, when girls meet up, they’re gonna talk about theirselves or what have been up to us, and they are starting to say that they miss me, and wanna meet me sometime in holiday. They intend to ask along other girls to come too.”

I’m not bothered or disturbed with the so called ‘invitation’. Because I won’t come, I won’t be there. If it’s make them sad or thinking weird about my answer, I won’t clear up anything. The main reason is, I don’t enjoy gather up with old friends that we know we aren’t ‘that close’ anymore. There are gap, time-spaces between us. And if I bring up myself to the gathering, I will feel awful, I prefer to do any kind of thing than this one.

Have you ever felt this way, mates?

I will go along with somefolks or a friend, if I’m pretty much comfort with them. That they won’t give a shit about me, my perspective, my way of talking or thinking, my styles, and what’s been up to me. I won’t spend some money to buy food there, cos I wanna eat in a place that there’s totally a meet of me and my needs. To eat, is to be comfort and full, to gather is to be comfort and re memorizing our old happiness, and so on. I will go for any of quality times. I won’t bother to go if I cannot find that.

And then my friend told me, “Mut, it is maybe they’re too afraid to go alone with you. That’s maybe they ask to bring other people to come. Sometimes I also think that way aswell, **what’s wrong with going alone with me??**. And I start to notice people’s gesture, that it seems like they’re not pretty much comfort with me. That is maybe why..”

I ponder about it in a loooong loooong time mates.

I think it’s the most revealing thing that has ever said to me. The most honest, the truest, the rightest thing that I’ve never even considered before.

that THEY ARE AFRAID TO GO ALONE WITH ME, YOU, OR SOMEBODY WHO FEELS THE SAME WAY.

I’m still relieved now. Somehow it makes me comfort to know the reason of it. Cos I just kneeew it. Maybe we’re just different. I got folks that comfort to go alone with. I also got a bunch of buddies, study buddies, cracks buddies, drinking buddies,or whatever it is, that make me comfort to be along with them.

It’s the different between old-gap-friends and current folks I got. I rarely come to reunions. “That’s” WHY. But I never hate my friend, I don’t accuse anyone, I miss them instead.. It’s true. But how I can’t meet their intentions. I’m just giving a perspective today, I feel no pain, I’m getting comfort, I know I sometimes am rude when they ask for me to come, I answered “Sorry, i can’t go, my lazy ass needs something cooler”. LOL

Yet, I thank them to always kindly ask me to meet them. Maybe someday this feeling will change, or NOT. Just, if you wanna hang out, let’s do activities, cool activities. I don’t enjoy talking about your hesaid-shesaid talks, your common-people perspective. And as you & I have known, I’m not common. I’m annoyed talking about common arguments.

gosh, how I miss having QUALITY TIME with you.


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